Sex is good.
And I don’t mean that in a perverted or lustful way. I mean that God created sex so it is good. It didn’t become perverted and lustful until man made it that way. And when man made it that way, evil followed. Pornography. Rape. Molestation. Addiction. Soul ties. Adultery. All these things made it difficult for us to talk about our struggles with sex. We shouldn’t be eager to ask the church to pray for God to bless our finances because we’re in debt, but hesitant to openly confess that we may struggle with a pornography addiction, or that we’re sleeping with multiple people and desperately want to stop. We’re embarrassed to let people know what we struggle with in the midnight hour, but we don’t have to be. We shouldn’t shy away from what people are going through, but step toward those issues and say, “Hey! I’m going through the same thing now” or “I went through this last year. Let me help you.”
The majority of us were told at a young age that we must abstain from sex until marriage. But by the time parents are comfortable having that conversation with us, we’ve already been introduced to it. Whether it be by abuse, losing our virginity at a young age, or something as little as seeing an inappropriate ad on Myspace and curiously clicking the link. However you were introduced to it, it planted a seed. And before you knew it, that seed had grown into something your 13 year old self never imagined it would ever be. It turned into having unhealthy soul ties to men and women that didn’t deserve to experience you. That seed grew into having sexual experiences you wish you could get back. If you’ve ever in your life been conscious about what’s good for you, then you’ve experienced guilt. And the guilt you feel after having sex is the worst, because once you’ve given yourself to someone you can never get it back. While this is true, you don’t have to feel that guilt and regret forever.
It’s still taking a while to get over my past mistakes. However, I feel that in order to overcome that guilt, I must seek freedom, forgiveness, and break the bondage of my previous sexual immoralities. To give you a better insight of my struggles, every time I had sex I felt guilty. I believe it was because of the promise I made myself at such a young age.
I bought myself a purity ring when I was 14 years old. I remember getting my Christmas money and going straight to the Life Way Christian store and I purchased my ring. I vowed to myself and to God that I would stay a virgin until my wedding night. Then temptation came along, and suddenly the 14 year old me was disappointed in my actions, but the 18 year old me was lit! One of my favorite writers, Jackie Hill Perry, said “sin gave me a lot of things, but it never gave me peace”. Whew Chile….the accuracy. I had a lot of fun sinning, but the pain, guilt, regret, emotional roller coasters, and the damage control never gave me peace. Every time I “did something I ain’t have no business doing” I felt extreme guilt that I left a part of myself with that someone. I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically tied to that person. No matter what I did I couldn’t take it back. The great philosopher Future Hendrixx said, “even if I hit you once you part of my collection”. When I heard that I kinda got angry. I thought to myself, “That’s a toxic way to think”. But he’s right! Even if I have sex with you once, all it takes is one time, and I am tied to you, and you are now a part of me. But it doesn’t have to be forever. I don’t have to always have this soul tie.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with what a soul tie is, it’s a spiritual connection between two people that is not easily broken. It can be acquired by many different acts. Some people believe that soul ties come strictly from sex. I disagree. We can have healthy and unhealthy soul ties. However, we’re going to talk about the unhealthy soul ties that come directly from sex.
There’s no clear formula on breaking soul ties. I wish I knew because I would have easily broken mine a long, long time ago. However, I eventually broke mine by removing myself from the situation. I know it’s easier said than done, but you can’t be healed in the same environment that broke you. I got tired of feeling hollow, dirty, and unfulfilled. I had to let that hurt go and seek God, His healing, His word, and be fully led by the spirit.
It was also important to forgive myself. God has already forgiven me, but in order to completely free myself of bondage from my past mistakes, I had to stop beating myself up about it and forgive myself and the people I was involved with. Peter said, “In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality” (Acts 10:34). God doesn’t pick and choose to partially forgive this sin or that sin. He doesn’t choose to forgive your neighbor, but skips over you. If He finds you worthy of forgiveness, then you can forgive yourself as well. Your past does not define you. I know that sounds cliché, but its true. Even though I can’t take those experiences back, they don’t control my heart or my actions. I had to break those chains in order to move forward. Whether it was abuse that bonded you, promiscuity, insecurity, depression, it is not who you are. You are not defined by that. That is not your identity. God does not identify you by what you’ve done or what you’ve gone through.
Even thought I’m not proud of my actions, I’m so glad I experienced them. I can now share my testimony. Temptation is everywhere, but I’m so thankful to serve a God that delivers me from it.
We must stop being afraid to speak to God about our sexual desires. Let Him know that you’re struggling so He can help you. Speak about it. Speak to a friend or a church member about your issues. If they judge you, then maybe they shouldn’t be in your circle. I revealed to my close friends about what I had gone through, and although I was extremely scared that they would judge me, a lot of them had gone through the same thing.
Whoever is going through this, I pray you find peace. God loves you and so do I.
Thank you for keeping me company.